Fresh Start

Starting is a word that comes with so much fear that most people would rather remain where they are than make an attempt to move. That on its own is understood since the human nature has been wired for comfort and security; we prefer to linger in comfort zones not minding the benefit ‘change’ may deliver as reward.

Amazingly, the ones who dare to make a move soon get entangled with the challenges of life and wave a quick bye prematurely. Probably they never realise the journey of life can only be seasoned with great resilience. There is need to count the cost of what you’re about to do and stick to it: if it’s worth the troubles.

The success of every new move in life begins with your mind. You need to educate, prepare and condition the mind to carry you through to the final destination. If you focus on the result rather than challenges, you are most likely to succeed. This is not a denial methodology but a conscious effort to see and dwell on the positive side of issues.

Every new year opens with great ambition and promises from different folks to do or accomplish certain task or set goals before the end of the year but how many really succeed?

Three years ago, someone I know promised to drop dress sizes from 18 to 12 before year end. Everything looked good and realistic: not like others who would want to jump three sizes in four weeks and you ask yourself ‘Are they thinking of amputating some body parts?’ Quite funny to think that the weight you accumulated over a long period of time would have a magical melt down- good luck!

Anyway, she started off by registering in a gym, taking time off work, cutting off certain food, no alcohol/smoking, etc. Everyone praised her guts and you could truly see a ‘new her’ springing up. The journey unfortunately could only last her till one month at which she slipped back to former life. No one could explain exactly where she missed it and she felt too defeated to let any help come through; you couldn’t even talk about it.

Sincerely speaking, life itself is full of ups and downs. It does not necessarily matter how many times you fall but what makes you a winner is the courage to get up and give another try. Giving up; I would say is not a healthy option when destiny is involved. There are really bad decisions you take and have to terminate soon to survive but for matters of great virtue; wake your inner strength to pull you through to success.

Relationship is one aspect of your life which needs great strength to succeed. I know you have more than a million reasons to sign out and some of them are genuine but stop for once and ask ‘Is this the best way I can handle this?’ Everywhere you go has its peculiar challenges and it will only take mastery to scale through. But an unstable fellow can hardly boast of consistency which is what basically leads to mastery.

Starting afresh on the same issue can only be a sign of patience and great humility. You could have as well given up particularly in the world where there is so much freedom: you can do almost whatever pleases you and sometimes still get support of the law. Very few people would bother these days to make relationships work; they delight in the freedom of marriage and divorce. Is it really about how many times you can walk in and out? I think it’s more of allowing yourself to pick the lessons of life that can only come through challenges so you can get the result- growth and maturity.

Honestly speaking, some relationships can be so challenging you have no idea where to start. Some spouses would consciously make life unbearable for you so you can get out voluntarily. This could happen in selfish situations where they would have finished exploiting you or using the relationship as a platform for greatness or popularity, making babies, acquiring wealth, status, etc.

Spouses with evil intentions do not wait for you to wrong them; they just find fault in everything that you do. They complain about your looks, attitude; just name it. Now they got what they wanted, you are a ‘good for nothing old fool’. What a shame!

If you are where there is a real challenge which is part of everyday life, it is a lot easier to put your acts together and fight for survival. Problem happens in relationships not necessarily because the parties involved want it so but sometimes it flows from allowing your differences to overwhelm your love and commitment to each other. There is no guaranty you’ll have a problem free union with anyone one earth no matter which way you look at it.

Prepare yourself to…

• Forgive: A good fresh start may begin with you letting go of the past and embracing the future. I’m aware that forgiveness can sometimes be very difficult. Yes! But when you look at life the second time; today we are here and gone the next day, is it really worth living in resentment?
• Set yourself free: Take it as if he/she does not know what they are doing and even when you are convinced it was intentional, count it as ignorance and move on. For someone you truly love, forgiveness might mean allowing love to overshadow all odds. Whatever your approach, find a way around it and keep love afloat. In some cases, you might need to forgive yourself of past mistakes or  terrible attitude that keep hunting you. Decide not to entangle with shameful deeds that may deprive you of the joy of loving and being loved.
• Decide: This is one of the strongest words in human history. Decision rules life and man can do almost anything he/she has strongly decided to. The strength to hold on or let go is solely your decision.
• Be humble: Pride is what kills most relationships. I tell people all the time that the problem they are facing is an outflow of pride; no one wants to step down for the other and saying ‘sorry’ is out of the matter- why?
• Work on yourself: Leave your spouse alone; be the best you can be and watch how peace will flood your union.
• Talk some more: Talking is different from nagging. Share your minds, appreciate, confess love, admire and spend quality time together.