Between A Necessary Conference And Ultimate Truth

By Fr. Akodu Peter Kehinde

The convergence of opinions has established the fact that we need a conference of Nigerians to review the way we live together. Two people living under the same roof surely have different ways: one always feels his way is better than the other. As a Catholic priest, I remember settling down recently to live with another priest; we had to convoke a meeting to ensure a life together without rancour. We talked about food. We ended up drawing up a timetable for meals having made useful and mutual concessions. I also remember going to meet my doctor to complain about my rising blood pressure. After a thorough examination, he recommended I should stay away from certain category of food. The first was pounded yam a staple where I come from.

We eat pounded yam like we drink water: morning, afternoon, night – the leftover is not wasted either. Pounded yam is a food I have come to love through the years. Even though it was not easy staying away from it, I had to go out of my way to engender a greater good: improving my general wellbeing. We need no soothsayer to tell us there are things we ought to do right we have not done right because of overriding insistence to cling to our different ways. There are things we ought not to do we have been doing to despise those on the left. We need to talk about these things to heal our society. The range of issues is diverse: federalism, resource control, security, youth unemployment, place of traditional institution, corruption, etc.

We must talk freely, frankly, let out the liberty of conscience, which is the fundamental freedom. As Senator Femi Okunrounmu said, those to represent us at the conference should not be those who will go there to sleep or those who will be there for the money and not for quality representation. Rather we should delegate people with conscience who have long attention span and know their onion. Through such free exchange of ideas alone we will gain knowledge, we will be able to understand the issues and discover the truth of order and cooperative action. But letting loose discordant winds of doctrine going into the conference will only be injurious to a united Nigeria of our dream. For example some have already concluded even before the conference that Nigeria will break.

Some leftist groups are going to the conference with a mainstream posture doing everything to ensure their ideas hold sway at the conference whether they come out with superior arguments or not. Some mainstream groups are going to the conference to defend their dominance on the landscape. No group is planning to go out of its way to engender the general wellbeing of Nigeria. This is the feeling that came to me from my interaction with Nigerians. This is the plank that holds the conclusion that the conference will break Nigeria. This article warns against this kind of brazen presumption. Never, never presume that events will turn out a certain way! Some insights from history! During the Vietnam War, the facts carried in the American media seemed to indicate that it was an important pursuit.

But now history seemed to have established that the Vietnam War was a demoralizing national mistake. The presumption of the moment, as in the case of the Vietnam War, has received repairs from the ultimate truth of history. Another example from the US! For generations in the Deep South, respected newspapers in the US tended to see the civil rights movement as disruptive and divisive action far more damaging than the institution of segregation. That was the presumption then. The eventual truth is that it is a revolutionary instrument ensuring freedom for all. Now liberty has become the song of America. The problem with truth, unfortunately, is that it comes only with time. If truth is let out by a free exchange of ideas, in the end truth will win out.

Attendance of delegates and listening to discussions are a basic part of the structure of such free exchange of ideas (free speech). Attendance is key to a successful conference. People gave you mandate to attend. You will not represent them if you do not attend. If you don’t attend sessions or discussions, you have a lessened capacity to speak. Listening is also important. The discussions will be rowdy and uncouth if delegates do not listen to one another. Shouting someone on his feet to speak down is evil. This is because such unruly act necessarily hurts the one speaking or one about to speak. It kills the truth by hurting its conception. It may hurt the delegate’s capacity to continue to conceive and spawn the truth. It is like the abortion of a pregnancy at conception.

The woman will lose the pregnancy. She may lose the baby. She may lose her life. The family may lose both the child and the mother. Damage done to vital reproductive organs procuring abortion may hurt continued conception. Like a family, such unruly act of a delegate or some delegates hurt other delegates who want to listen. They may lose the consciousness to conceive truth, propagate and preserve it. In psychology, listening is golden. It is good to establish the difference between listening and hearing. Hearing is innate in every human being, male and female. Listening is a skill we need to develop just the same way we develop effective speaking.

Delegates to the conference should create avenue to develop the art of speaking so they don’t bore their hearers with irritations. Hearers of the message should learn how to become effective listeners. In doing this they should look away from how our national assembly conducts speaking and listening. Looking at the hallowed chambers of the two houses, they may not get gratifying examples. Listening involves paying attention and processing what the speaker is saying. It needs a lot of mental silence, reflection and interpretation, implying patiently absolving the ideas. In other words, it involves seeking out the speaker’s ideas and giving those ideas back to him. You can do this by summarizing all he/she has said mentally to make sure his ideas are understood.

Communication, which is a relationship, engagement, or interaction, requires that one person speaks while the other listens. If there are no listeners, the speaker may be speaking to the wind. Listening is itself a form of communication. Listening to another person sends the message that you care and that you are truly interested in the other person’s ideas. Without the ability to listen effectively, true intimacy and mutual respect among delegates, two of the hallmarks of a successful relationship, are not even possible. When you fail to listen to your partner/client/fellow delegate, you may impart the message that he or she doesn’t count, that you are the one with all the knowledge, and that you lack respect for him/her. These are hardly the qualities of a thriving and mutually beneficial relationship. Effective listening means that you want to learn from, enjoy, care about, trust, understand, and nurture your partner/client/fellow delegate.

A good listener sends the message that he or she is interested in the world and to new ideas and life experiences. To listen well is one way to show that you can love well. It is one basic way to resolve problems including national problems. The following few rules can help our delegates to learn the art of listening:

• Never interrupt when a delegate is speaking. Allow him/her to complete his/her thought. Making a long pause does not mean he/she has stopped.

• Eliminate distractions like talking to another person, making side comment, reading newspapers and analysing it, paying attention to activity in the background, to what you did earlier in the day, to a conversation you had with someone else, to your counter-argument and how you will present it, and to the speaker’s appearance

• Maintain eye contact while the person is speaking

• Pull your chair closer and lean toward the speaker

• Keep your posture open

• Give especially nonverbal responses to what the speaker is saying – nod your head, smile or frown when it is appropriate

• When he/she is done, appreciate him/her with a clap

If all conditions are right, a new Nigeria characterized by fellow feeling, harmony, cooperative action, peace and love might dawn even before the end of the conference. Once again if truth is let out by a free exchange of ideas, in the end truth will win out.

•Kehinde , media scholar and social commentator wrote from Lagos. e-mail: [email protected].