Facts About Marriage

By Aidy Thomas

More myths, more fears and uncountable controversies surround the issue of marriage. Loads of people do not really know how, when and what to prepare for as they dream of tying the nuptial knot.

Surprisingly, the lessons of marriage do not end at the counselling desk; as a matter of fact, that is where it begins. As much as we love and encourage couples to undergo marriage counselling, the real experience is in the relationship. Case studies, examples and scenarios painted by your counsellors might and in most cases will be different from your real encounter.

Some folks are lucky to be counselled by people who are very experienced and open enough to give them balanced information about life. Getting and applying the lessons learnt will determine how successful a marriage relationship will be and how long it would last- we hope it last forever though.

Before you get destabilised and confused; thinking your relationship is the worst around, hear this.

You are two different people coming together: People often get carried away by the fact that they are in love. The initial adrenalin flush tends to conceal the fact that as you stay closer to people the more you will discover about them- both good and bad but the bad tends to hurt deeply. Coming from a unique family like yours makes you do things in certain ways and this applies to your spouse as well.

It is a process: Blending will take some time and this varies according to individuals. The fastest learner will still realise it’s not as easy as he/she envisaged- people need time to adjust and being reasonable what they do will go a great extent to determine how well they settle into their expected roles. When the process is really slow; you feel frustrated and tend to complain or even attempt thinking your partner wants to make things hard for you. That might not be the case; people cannot change overnight.

Marriage will not make you complete: There have been tons of lectures on how marriage makes you who you are supposed to be and how it makes you happy. Complementing is commonly used in most modest examples when considering the partnership that is fostered in the union. Some people actually believe you are incomplete without a spouse but a mature sensible adult is enough to go on living a fulfilled life until time for marriage is right if it’s part of their plans.

There is so much your spouse can do for you but the responsibility of being happy still rests on you. You can draw strength from your relationship but you need to figure out the things you really need to do and discover how to take charge of your dream. I have heard someone say that “Marriage will not fill the void in you” so stop wondering why that ‘miracle joy’ has not flooded your heart. You need to work out how to sort your inner peace, fulfilment, satisfaction and joy.

Each relationship comes with responsibility: Co-existence, in every sense demands some level of responsibility to be shown. You take responsibility for certain things around the home and consciously decide to fill some gaps. Whether your responsibility is clearly spelt or assumed or you do them by default; what has to be done should be done properly.

Situations will test your confession of love: Everyone claims to be head over heels in love at some point of the union but soon, situations crop up that would expose your real character, motive and intensions. There are situations you never thought will come up within the tenet of the relationship but time will let you experience things you would wish never happened to you at all. It could be financial hardship, childlessness or taking a major decision that requires mutual consent.

Cut your expectations: How long will you spend time moaning over who does not like your marriage and how to avenge them. You don’t need to flagellate yourself simply because someone or some people do not accept your relationship. It might not be that you’ve not done anything wrong; some people are just bad minded and are not happy about your marriage. You don’t wait for the whole world to agree with your choice of a partner.

Wedding is only a ceremony: Celebrating wedding has come to stay as a flamboyant tradition. It’s good to set aside this special day to announce the decision of unity you have both taken. Unfortunately, some prepare more for wedding than the real marriage. They fail to understand that wedding last for only a day or a couple of days (if celebrated by royals) but the marriage relationships go on for life or as long as it lasts. More consideration should be given to how to have a rewarding marriage. Concentrate on the helpful things to learn while devising ways to cope with challenges.

Conflict is inevitable: As long as you have different opinions, there are bound to be conflict arising from your differences. This might not insinuate wickedness or negativity; see it for what it is- diverse opinion but it needs to be handled with great care. Inability to focus on the problem at hand gives room for insult and harassment.

You still need others: No matter how successful you think your relationship is, you still need the company and contribution of other people. Old individual friends can be brought and shared. When deciding who to keep or drop as friends; be objective. Keeping in touch with family members could be priceless –your family is always yours.

Whole hearted commitment: Give it your all and give it your best. Marriage is your investment and the more you put-in, the more you get from it. Be ready to support and stand by your spouse in difficult times.