11th November, 2014
Up to this point we have been looking at the overview of DISC model of human behaviour; how different personalities behave and interact. We looked into understanding our own basic style, discovering your basic priority, your decision-making style, and we learnt issues important to us and others in our relationships at work.
Today we are going to be looking at loving relationship, marriage and family. A negative is never attracted to another negative, and positives repel each other in any field —electricity, chemistry. Even us humans, what can be more opposite than male and female? Yet we still attract each other thousands of years after creation. In fact, the future of our world depends on this all important attraction.
Why do we always attract that which is opposite to us? Why do we crave the opposite? Why do we need the one that is not like us? Someone once said that when two people are alike in everything then one of them is unnecessary. Usually it is our subconscious recognition of, and the appreciation for the opposite strengths- strengths that compliment your own weakness. Consciously or otherwise, we wish we could eradicate our own set of weaknesses, so we blissfully admire the strengths of others. For example a ‘ I’ personality will not usually marry another I because both are naturally outgoing talkative and would be competing for the same stage in life where there will be no audience. I’s need an audience to turn them on. The ‘D’ on the other hand makes such severe demands on other people; they will probably accidentally date once because they will spend their time arguing about everything, vying for control and authority in the relationship. When two ‘C’ marry their analytical traits will continually find negative qualities in each other, and if we have two ‘S’ together nothing will progress in their relationship because they will both stick to status quo neither will produce the flame to move ahead. However as we have noted earlier in our discussions we must not forget that opposites attract then they attack. What then is the cause of this strife in a relationship that started in harmony.
Remember that we discussed before now that almost every marriage relationship combination begins on a great note. After all most of us marry someone we deeply love, someone we vow to spend the rest of our lives with. So what disrupt this harmony soon after we come together? The symphony turns sour when our mate’s differences become irritations it is an undisputable fact that we always attract our opposite. Soon after we come together the well known concept kicks in ‘opposite attract…..then opposite attack’ our differences create disharmony and we become frustrated we begin to think in our minds’ why can’t you just be normal ….like me” we compare, and the difference that brought us together in the very first place begins to irritate us, remember that the attractions, that began our relationship were our differences.
It is with our unique differences that we help, support and strengthen each other. This is not only true in marriage but in all aspects of our life; every human endeavour is characterized by relationships, as we progress in our insight to understanding ourselves and our partners, we will expand our capacity to have good, strong and productive relationship personally and professionally.
In marriage we are to complement each other with our opposite styles not to compete. In every relation we either compete or complete. When we compete in marriage we engage in an exchange of information and opinions, when we complete we engage in communication- we get through respectively. The difference in these two words complete and compete, is the letter L. The letter ‘L’ stands for Love, love is what we communicate; it is seeking the best and expecting nothing in return. One way that many of us sense we’re loved is when our partners listen to us when we talk, LISTEN, SILENT, and ENLIST all have the same letters- just different meanings.
To listen is to engage in support of a person’s needs in order to meet them. To listen is to love. To be silent when your spouse speaks to you puts you in a posture to really listen and show that you care. To enlist is to sign up or invite your spouse into your life. We all learnt to talk; no one thought us to listen, the good news is that we can all learn to LISTEN, remember that not everyone’s trust factors are the same, what causes one person to trust you may not motivate another person to trust you.
Trust has two legs upon which it stands Competence and Character; trust is the cornerstone for relating and communicating more effectively with each other; in business also we must first trust each other. We can learn useful information about relationship and communication at our workshop we design each workshop to suit your need. Next time we shall be continuing with why opposite attract. See you at the top.
Modupe Eka is a consultant, trainer of the D.I.S.C model of human behavior, a graduate of English language, with teaching background, she is a Public speaker and by practice a counselor and an expert in relationship and communication she runs seminars and workshop for cooperate and private institutions on topics as sexual health, parent/child relationship and cooperate/ effective team building. She has organized and runs various youth empowerment programs. Together with her team they have done extensive work with many Redeem Christian church of God parishes within the Lagos environs.