2nd December, 2014
By Modupe Eka
Last time we talked about parenting our children according to their unique personality, we said that your children’s role is not to conform to your expectations, but to grow, flower, and become everything that God ordained her to be, all she is capable of becoming. We acknowledge that personality problems in children are usually traceable to prenatal attitude and personality. Finally we said that destructive criticism must never be used on our children. Destructive criticism has done more harm on personality than all wars in history.
Today we shall be looking at our personality dynamics versus our children’s personality. Quickly, let’s remind us about the four dominant personality types: D are the outgoing and task-oriented people, they can be described as direct, dominant, decisive, demanding, determined doer. They like to get the job done, they love challenge and are independent.
The I personality is outgoing and people-oriented they can be described as, inspiring, influencing, impressionable, interactive and involved. They like to persuade others to their way of thinking, they love recognition and popularity.
The S is reserved and people-oriented, they can be described as supportive, stable, steady sweet status quo. They like to provide necessary support to help complete the job
The C are reserved and task-oriented, they can be described as cautious, calculating, competent, contemplative and careful. They like consistent quality and excellence.
Understanding the different behavioural styles of our children will help us manage them better, it does not matter if you are nine, nineteen or twenty five, our dominant personality remains intact. However, the different character strengths may be in an early stage of development. Now let’s look at the D parent with the four dominant personality styles.
D to D: A D parent relating to a D child should lead with solid options, must listen for her decisions and respect her drive for result. As long as you both share the same goals and desires, you will enjoy harmony and you will accomplish much. Power struggles over control are the most frequent source of friction. As a D parenting a D do not force issues, don’t threaten or give ultimatums. Provide her with responsibilities in which she can exercise some control. Remember, like you she loves control; your similarities if not handled with care can also be you greatest area for conflict.
D parent relating to a an I child, must lead with friendly focus, (remember you want to get the job done, being task oriented…..and he wants fun), the D parent must listen to her stories and respect her enthusiasm. Both of you are confident and enjoy fast-pace approach to life; this child will want to please you desperately that she will follow your leadership.
However your desire to accomplish goals and get results can easily be frustrated by the ‘take life as it comes’ attitude of the I child. Realise that this child may never have your type of focus, so do not make him feel bad.
For the D parent with the soft-hearted S child, the parent must lead with a slowed friendly pace,(keep in mind you have opposite traits), listen without interrupting, respect her steadiness. Remember you like to lead, she likes to follow. She will feel secure with you as long as you show controlled, stable behaviour. If you come too strong on her, this child will easily be intimidated and will take it personally. Hard-charging D parents often misunderstand the soft-hearted, easygoing S child and may label her as weak. Never forget, we are different not better. Never push your S child into heated competition, do not compare her to anyone else; de-motivating her will affect her self-esteem. She has a need to feel close to you so do not push her away.
The D parent with a C conscientious child, the D parent needs to lead with quality answers, listen for her logic and respect her consistency. Since both of you focus on task and enjoy working independently, you share similarities therefore as a team, with your direction and the child’s attention to details, you will accomplish much. As a D parent, you tend to jump into projects quickly, whereas the C child likes to think through in details, you both want results but your child wants things done right and you wants things done now.
Do not become impatient with the child, don’t rush him or push her, give her time to take decisions. Be prepared to answer her why questions? Don’t expect her to take risks like you. Knowing your difference and acknowledging them will keep conflict away, and give tremendous harmony for 95% accurate test on personality types and tips. Take our test and enjoy a stress free family life. Next time we will look at teaching with style, See you at the Top.
•Modupe Eka is a consultant, trainer of the D.I.S.C model of human behaviour, a graduate of English language, with teaching background, she is a Public speaker and by practice a counsellor and an expert in relationship and communication she runs seminars and workshop for cooperate and private institutions on topics as sexual health, parent/child relationship and cooperate/ effective team building. She has organized and runs various youth empowerment programs. Together with her team they have done extensive work with many Redeemed Christian Church of God parishes within the Lagos environs.