Pictures Of Love (2)

Aidy-Thomas

Aidy-Thomas

By Aidy Thomas

The other time, we looked at a couple who were having difficulty simply because the husband was so used to the woman he thought would be his wife. Life as we all know does not always offer what we ask for so it’s wise to position yourself to cope with what is available and unavoidable. Dwelling on the pictures of past relationships might not be very healthy for your marriage as people are never really the same. I’m not suggesting we accept strange behaviours all in the name of differences, rather, we should learn to be happy with who we’ve got and find a way around telling them what they could do to make us more fulfilled or improve the relationship as the case may be.  In fact, there is nothing wrong with having a dream of how your marriage should be but also be ready to work hard to achieve your dream- good marriage is real hard work. The work begins with you educating your mind and getting prepared to adjust and accommodate the other person. We are all students and teachers. Ask yourself: what did I come here to learn and what did I come here to teach? You can’t just pass through your spouse’s life, be ready to impart something so you can be remembered for it- mind you, the easiest way for people to remember you is either for the problem you solved or the one you caused.

These are some of the ways you can actualize the pictures you’ve created about the kind of home you’re looking forward to:

Say it: Assumption, it is said is the lowest form of knowledge. There is no need leaving your spouse to keep assuming what seem well with you. Life becomes more difficult and time is also wasted in a bit to try and figure out how to please you. Create a life style of good communication, say it in a polite way without blaming or condemning and watch your relationship soar to greatness.

Be Patient: Patience truly is a good virtue and one attribute that we all have to perfect in one form or another. Instead of complaining, do something entirely new; you don’t need to be sure it would work but if it does, stick to it.

Adjust: The whole idea of leaving and cleaving to your spouse is an experience that require some time. I remember the very first month I got married, my neighbour saw me pass and shouted “Mrs. Thomas” several times, I could not connect to what she was saying until she called me by my first name-Aidy, then I turned and waited. We laughed about it but it was a great lesson to me that even the name (Mrs.) takes time to register. It took sometime but today, I’ve grown into both the name and title-Mrs. So please give your sweetheart the benefit of settling into a new life.

Assure: There is nothing soothing as when people in love keep assuring each other of their love and respect. Don’t be tired of telling your darling you understand how it feels to make mistakes. Be nice enough to tell them that making mistakes does not make them fools; it’s only a lesson of new approach to issues. Your spouse should feel safe with you around even when you do not speak the same language- let him/her know you cannot say or do anything harmful to the relationship.

Stay together: Staying and doing things together can be great fun for both husband and wife. Each time I take my children to school, I see this couple always bringing their two children (a boy and girl) to school. Once they drop off the children, they just take their time walking and talking together. I wondered how they were able to accomplish this so I asked if the man was working and at what time. He looked at me and smiled, “it is sacrifice, I work at night but when I come back in the morning, I share my life with the family and sleep much later”.

Be creative: Life gets so boring and unbearable when you are caught up in the web of repetitions. I once worked with a very grumpy fellow which people felt very difficult to get along with. I decided to find out what made her take that disposition, called her to my office, offered tea and went into a long chat. It was then she revealed to me the job was boring-she had been doing the same thing for eight years. No transfer to other departments, further training or self development. She wanted to leave but there was no sight of another job so she stayed. Why your spouse is complaining about your relationship could probably be because there is boredom. You can spice up the emotional, social and spiritual aspects of life and see if things would get better. Explore life together; you’ll be glad for it.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

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It is easy to know when you have found a true friend- someone that does all within his/her capacity to bring you joy and fulfillment. Once this happens, your ego response tends to be unselfish and outgoing; ever ready to express the warmth wrapped up in you. There is an attempt for you to care as much about what’s good for the other as for yourself. You desire to see your partner attain satisfaction in all ramifications. It is important to note that before one can boldly say there is love between couples, they would have reached a stage where each of them realizes that his/her happiness can be attained only when the other is happy also- this will simply imply that each one lives not for one’s self but for the other. In cases where love is intense, one even strives to satisfy the other first.

True friendship takes away fear and  enables you share thoughts, feelings attitudes, plans, hopes, interest, even intimate things you would share with few if any others. Sharing your secrets with someone means placing your destiny at the mercy of such a person; the more secrets you share, the more committed and bound you tend to feel towards the relationship. One may be tempted to view love as a demanding adventure which takes only the bold at heart to conclude. Ironically, unselfish love helps us attain fullness and fulfillment beyond our comprehension; the happiness you give to others comes back to you in multiple folds. One of the basic secrets of life is that a higher fulfillment of self comes as a result of committing one’s self to something higher and greater than the self. This is one message I will like to pass to all self-centered persons who believe their concerns should come first.

In the course of seeking to be a good friend, ‘Peter’ discovered that the satisfaction he could not get through his active service in his career;

Just sitting and listening to people who had problems meant the world to him. Offering someone a shoulder to cry on is a priceless gift not to talk of offering counsel in the midst of confusion.

Everyone needs a friend-close fellow to unleash emotions when necessary. Some prerequisites for good friendship could be;

Tolerance: We have witnessed the problems birthed by lack of tolerance- since people are different, they should be treated thus- even children of the same mother tend to come up with different traits, I once worked with a very difficult lady who had little or no time to discuss with others aside the official work; her relationship with others was really poor. Natural response demanded a snobbish attitude towards her but on other hand an experienced guy who sensed something would have gone wrong somewhere to make his female colleague so bitter and selfish began his work of love- going out of his way to make her happy and it worked.

Concern: In most cases, one of the easiest ways to show some one you care is just to pick interest in whatever do and try at the same time to see how you can be of help to advance the course of life.

Meeting a friend especially after a major disappointment gives fresh hope to the depressed. I was wondering why God had to create so many people in a world where we can hardly see enough accommodation then I realized human beings are created for each other. “Help someone overcome a problem and you will have a million reasons to live”

Talking with a person you just met is an express indication of acceptance. This makes it clear why we feel uncomfortable with people who say very few things to us. To be a good friend, talk and be approachable

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