The travails of asexual singer Liberty Mattisse

Liberty Mattisse2

Singer and stylist Liberty Mattisse relays her travails for being asexual

Singer and stylist Liberty Mattisse reportedly first heard the term ‘asexual’ eight years ago and said she immediately resonated with the term as she never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

Media reports quote the 26-year-old as saying she felt like an ‘alien’ growing up compared to pals who would eagerly discuss their crushes and sexual urges – something she couldn’t relate to.

According to her, when her own teen urges didn’t kick in, she went to her GP seeking a ‘cure’ for her lack of libido.

Doctors suggested it could be hormonal, but couldn’t pin down a definite cause. But being asexual doesn’t mean Liberty, who is currently in a relationship, is unable to form romantic connections.

Instead, she focuses on a person’s personality and conversation rather than sex. Divulging her status to prospective partners has previously proved problematic, with some men boasting they can ‘cure’ her and ignite her sex drive.

Now Liberty, who concedes she only gets the urge ‘once in a blue moon’ but happily goes without sex for years at a time, is sharing her story to debunk the myths about asexuality.

“For me relationships aren’t sexual, they’re done off a vibe. It’s about the connection which is what attracts me to people. I can go years and years without having sex because I don’t have an urge.

“Seven times out of ten when I tell a guy I’m asexual, they’ll say ‘this is a challenge and you’re being a tease or maybe you haven’t met the right guy and maybe I’m the right guy’. It’s such a narcissistic thing to say.

“It’s very much an ego thing. They always say ‘I’ve never had any complaints’ and you’ve ‘just been having bad sex’ your entire life. It makes me feel threatened when they think they can cure me. It makes you think like you’re some sort of prey.

“It’s a reminder of how lonely I am because people just don’t understand my sexuality,” Liberty is quoted by WalesOnline.

The publication reveals that during Liberty’s teenage years, she felt like an ‘alien’ when her friends began discussing sexual urges and crushes on their peers. The singer questioned when her carnal desires would set in, considering herself a ‘late bloomer’ among her friendship group.

Liberty said: “I’d never had a boyfriend or anything growing up. I just couldn’t get sexually attracted to people and this is where asexuality came from. I come from a small town where everyone assumes you’re straight and if you’re not straight, you’re gay.

“In high school they were constantly talking about everyone they were attracted to because they were teenagers. And I thought, ‘when does this puberty thing kick in for me?’

“I always felt like such an alien growing up as I’d never experienced sexual attraction. I remember going to doctors appointments about this because I thought there was something wrong with me.

“The phrase ‘late bloomer’ kept coming up but I was 23 and thought ‘surely it should’ve kicked in by now?’ I started questioning in my head ‘there’s something not right here’.”

After moving to Brighton at 18, Liberty was exposed to a spectrum of sexualities that helped her feel accepted. She then began forming romantic relationships based on conversation and connection rather than sexual attraction.

Liberty said: “In my early 20s I noticed I just didn’t have the drive any of my friends did. It was a big culture shock moving to Brighton where I got exposed to all the different sexualities and learnt so many different things.

“I heard the word asexual just a couple of years ago when I was in Brighton and it made sense. When it comes to dating it does make you scared of rejection. But if someone is prioritizing sex over you then it’s not meant to be.

“I’ve always picked people I have a conversational attraction to so they have been empathetic and understanding.”

Despite rarely having any sexual urges herself, Liberty says making her partner happy gives her enjoyment in itself.

Her story continue on WalesOnline

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