By Helen Paul
Like I said last week, many people have fallen from grace to grass because of the relationships they keep. They fell by making costly decisions in life because of the people around them. No doubt, keeping relationships is an integral part of our existence, and it cannot be eschewed from our day-to-day life, but not having the ability to place each relationship in its appropriate category can be detrimental to your mental health. It could leave you with a scar or a broken heart too deep to heal.
The Oxford Dictionary defines a relationship as “the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other.” Take note of the keywords—’regard’ and ‘behave’—as I will be giving more explanation that will help you make the right decisions.
There are three types of relationships, and you need to identify who falls into each of these categories, else you would be making a costly mistake that could hurt you for the rest of your life. Under these three categories, we have ‘Relationship for a Season,’ ‘Relationship for a Reason,’ and ‘Relationship for Life.’ For instance, treating someone who should fall under the ‘Relationship for a Season’ category as ‘Relationship for Life’ is not advisable, and vice versa.
A perfect example of a ‘Relationship for a Season’ can be found between a landlord and a tenant, or between co-tenants, co-workers, schoolmates, classmates, and community development associations. Whatever relationship you build with these people is for obvious reasons and shouldn’t unnecessarily go beyond that scope. I agree that sometimes, the relationship between you and your classmate, for instance, may metamorphose into something more intimate in the future, but you shouldn’t force it or be desperate to make it happen. You just need to take things easy and let nature or destiny take its course. But using your emotional sentiment to assume that you and your classmate are inseparable can be dangerous. A Yoruba adage says, ‘Ogun omode o le s’ere fun ogun odun’ (meaning twenty kids cannot be together for twenty years). At some point, you’ll have to change environments and meet new people. If you’re contesting to become the President of Nigeria now, do you think it’s all your classmates that would vote for you? Let alone all your schoolmates? The truth is, they’re not under any obligation to support you. It’s absolutely a matter of choice. Some of them would prefer to vote for an entirely strange person instead of you because they knew you were a friend for a season (which has passed), but it’s you who think they’re your friends for life. Do you know why? The relationship you guys shared was simply the ‘school,’ so immediately after you are all out of that place, nothing more. That relationship starts and ends within the four corners of the school!
Some years ago, our legendary female footballer, Asisat Oshoala, lamented how many Nigerian delegates didn’t vote for her at the CAF Awards. They voted for a foreigner. But thank God she still won the award. Such is life. A friend of mine recently shared his true-life experience with me. It happened that he met an old schoolmate at a supermarket in Ibadan. After embracing each other and exchanging pleasantries, they drove down to a lounge to hang out with some chilled drinks while they reminisced about their school days’ adventures. In the process, the other guy told my friend that he had lost his job in Kaduna and was in Ibadan to seek greener pastures. Apparently carried away with emotions and camaraderie, my friend offered him a room in his apartment, at least pending the time he gets a new job, not knowing that he was a notorious armed robber who had been declared wanted. He was later tracked to his house by the police, and they were both arrested and remanded. It was after spending three months behind bars that luck smiled on him, and he was discharged and acquitted of the alleged crime, but it was too late because he had lost his job and everything. The reason God told some people in the Bible to leave their environment was because living in the same location for a long time attracts disrespect and what some people will call ‘see finish.’ Leave those seasonal friends there and make new ones in your new environment.
On the other hand, there are Relationships for a Reason. They are the ones we deliberately make for a particular purpose. I can make friends with a bank cashier because I don’t want to be queuing at the bank. I can make my teacher like me so she doesn’t flog or fail me, etc. This is the reason you will hear some people complain that ‘they used me and dumped me.’ My friend, it’s not a matter of use and dump. It is you who has mistaken ‘Friendship for a Reason’ for ‘Friendship for Life.’ They didn’t ‘use’ you.
Friendship for Life is the one you have with your parents, siblings, and kids. For instance, no matter how serious the fight between you and your siblings is, they will not deny you as a member of the family. Your parents will not deny you, and vice versa. That is a lifetime agreement destined by God. Such will not happen between you and your co-worker or classmate.
My brothers and sisters, it’s important for us to choose our friendships wisely. The contacts on your phone are over 3,000, but when you’re in big trouble, how many of those contacts can you conveniently call? Don’t be a crowd keeper. Keep people who can make positive impacts in your life.
