End Of The Road

Relationships do not end suddenly. When people say their partners just called them at work or home to declare a sudden change of mind about their lives together coming to an end, I can’t stop questioning the sincerity of such claims.

People break up as a result of build ups—unresolved or unforgiving issues. Managing disagreements has always been challenging but allowing it to severe a relationship is, in a way, taking things a bit too far.

Greg rang to say that his wife moved out of their home after a minor disagreement and promised never to return. He wondered why she should be so irrational and erratic. He claimed the issue on ground was too negligible for any sensible adult to call it quits and when the wife was contacted to hear her own side of the story, she started by saying she’s had enough. There came pouring series of things she’s stored up with dates in her mind from the wedding day till the day she decided to end it. I could not imagine her hurt when she said issues were never resolved between them. Instead, her husband would look for ways to make her happy and tend to totally forget about what he’s done to hurt her. No, she wanted a proper apology and a turn around as a mark of repentance and willingness to move the relationship forward. Gifts are good and sex is part of the marriage but should not be used as a cover up for pains. You might think because the other person is accepting it, all has been settled but it doesn’t work that way for most people. There is a sense of respect and love the offended party feels each time you acknowledge your fault, say sorry, promise a better behaviour and live by it.

If adequate effort has been put into your relationship and it still tilts towards decay, what else can you do? If it is a courtship or relationship that you were just getting to know each other with the hope of settling down some day, it might not be so bad, but when marriage is mentioned, it puts me on the spot. Why? I don’t like divorce and remarriage is not a solution to failed marriages; it’s my desire that people should choose their life partners carefully and be convinced they can be happy together or tolerate each other for life.

The effect of divorce can be so devastating and hostile to its victims, not to mention when children are involved. The best of whatever you can do to salvage the situation should be explored before you give in to the temptation of giving up.

No matter what is said and done, breaking up is and will always be a painful thing. Like I mentioned earlier, short-term relationships might be easier to handle, but marriage remains one of the greatest challenges. Haven’t you heard of celebrities who filed for divorce and tomorrow they want to come back to the same marriage? If it was that bad, why do they want it back? It’s all part of the fact that it is difficult to quit.

There is really no brilliant way to end a relationship; someone would always be hurt, no matter how you have sat down together to agree the relationship was not working and needed to be ended, one of you, especially the one who has invested so much, would be wounded. Pictures of times spent together, pains of hard times weathered and moments of pleasures, cannot be wiped out in a jiffy.

Breaking up after a long time of companionship can be tough and this article is specifically to address this lonesome moment of your life, especially if it wasn’t your fault.

Innocent people still fall victim of rejection, lies, hatred or outright abandonment in marriages. If this has happened to you, should you end there? No, it’s not the end of the road if you do not call it so. It’s only you who can place that limitation on yourself; thinking the end has come for you because someone walked out on you. Are you sure he/she is worth the trouble? If he/she loved you that much, why the split, why couldn’t they say no to whatever reasons for quitting?

Pick up the bits and pieces of your life and move on

•Spend time to appreciate yourself: It is common place for people to feel worthless once a relationship ends. Your mind naturally tells you it was your fault or you are not good enough for others. If you are sure you did your best but sabotage brought you down, don’t stay down.

•Overcome that feeling of failure: Most times, you are more concerned with what others would think of you than your real need. Why? Societal pressure, peer pressure or wanting to belong.

•Learn the lessons, live better.

•Do away with bitterness, it kills slowly. Forgive and let go.

•Talk things over with the people you trust if this is one of the ways you obtain healing after hurting. But be sure you do not complicate issues as wrong counsel can damage your chances of objective reasoning.

•Spend more time with people you love and appreciate. Family members are handy, but if they’ll deepen the pains, take another route.

•Discovering what you are good at and committing to it gives fresh hope and a wonderful sense of relevance. Being productive has a way of making you feel fulfilled.

•Find out how you can help others as helping other people is one good way of taking focus off your problems and as they appreciate your effort, you find more reasons to live.

•See something good in your future. Those who are positive about life stand a better chance to succeed.

N/B: Divorce is not something to be proud of, but if you have been a victim, don’t let it be End Of The Road.