The Acts Of The Politicians —Isaac Asabor

If an author decides to write a political compendium titled “The Acts of The Politicians”, to mark the commemoration of Democracy Day, it would definitely be a book that would chronologically document the lives and activities of some of our contemporary politicians from May 29, 1999 when Nigerians seemingly embraced an ideal democracy. In writing the book, the author would discover that more than half of the book would dwell on issues that border on corruption, insincerity, treachery, avarice, gangsterism and you name it.

No doubt, the entire content of the book would dwell on the bad and ugly aspects of our on-going democracy rather than the good side. The reason for this cannot be far-fetched as our on-going democracy is literally churning out more of bizarre political events than virtuous political events.

I must confess that I was compelled to write this piece after reading the book of the The Acts of The Apostles in the Bible. While the Apostles derived their collective strength from the Holy Spirit, our politicians of today are no doubt deriving their strengths from greed.

Permit me to say that the political compendium may likely arrest the attention of the reader from the first chapter to the last chapter. Stories that would make the book a masterpiece would cut across the certificate imbroglio that led to the impeachment the youngest parliamentary speaker Nigeria ever had and the rowdy sessions that from time to time punctuated the serenity of the house. Besides, there were various laughable events that characterised our on-going democracy that if included in the book it would definitely be a best seller.

A further perusal into the pages of the compendium would no doubt reveal more bizarre events that may have made millions of Nigerians to believe in the saying of Will Rogers (1879-1935) that “Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”

Why would many Nigerians not take the politicians as a joke when some politicians would continue to promise Nigerian youths jobs and uninterrupted power supply to no avail? Why would the people not take the politicians as a joke when they can easily engage in a fight at the slightest provocation? Why would Nigerians not take the politicians as a joke when the management of our monopolistic Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) has already concluded to sell darkness to Nigerians at an exorbitant tariff?

Why would many Nigerians not take the politicians as a joke when they are struggling to put the cheapest staple food on their tables whereas the politicians are being fed with the tax payers’ money? Have you not heard that some of them are entitled to as much as 800 million naira for their yearly feeding? A friend of mine jokingly reacted in pidgin English, “Wetin dem dey chop sef, no be eba and rice?” His reaction, no doubt, made a whole lot of sense. What are they feeding on that warrant them to be paid such gargantuan allowances on feeding? Have you not heard that even their kitchenettes are maintained at the expense of the tax payers?

Why would millions of Nigerians, like Will Roger, not take the politicians as a joke when they were literarily promised heaven on earth, but what they are experiencing today could be seemingly likened to hell on earth? No doubt, things are getting bad by each passing day. Prices of consumable are already out of the reach of the average Nigerians. Not quite long ago, the pump price of fuel was hiked beyond the reach of many Nigerians.

In the speculated compendium, the idiosyncrasies of the politicians would be exhaustively treated. The book would no doubt reveal how repulsive the acts of the politicians are.

For instance, there is an axiom that says “When a politician greets anyone ‘Good morning’ he should first of all check his wrist-watch whether it is truly morning before concluding that it is good or bad.” No doubt, people seem to take politicians and their promises with a pinch of salt not because they love doing it to ridicule the politicians, but because the fact remains that politicians are not always sincere.

No doubt, the compendium would dedicate a chapter to political jargons that were literarily manufactured by some politicians that have the gift of comedy.

Some of the jargons are “I Dey Kampe”, “Capture”, “Garrison Commander” “Do or die” among other laughable jargons. I overheard someone the other day saying that “these politicians are more hilarious than all our stand up comedians put together. The most ridiculous of all they claim to offer is “dividend of democracy.” As you are aware, the word “Dividend” is professionally used by shareholders and capital market operators. Today, politicians have hijacked the jargon despite the fact that they are not even giving the society the dividend they are collectively mouthing about.

The compendium would also do justice to some politicians that forgot their antecedents and the ideologies they variously stood for. Today, we have journalists turned politicians that easily get incensed when they read any criticism against their paymasters whereas they wrote more acerbic articles than those they are seeing as their enemies when they were practicing journalists. Also, we have those that paraded themselves as civil rights fighters but today while in government they have automatically made a volte face to the consternation of many of us. What about those that claimed to be labour leaders? Like chameleons, they have all changed to become the typical Nigerian politician. These are the people we once held in high esteem.

Since May 29, 1999, Nigerians have at different times been disappointed by some self-serving individuals who pretended to be standing on the side of the people. But alas! These same people have totally changed by aligning with those they once criticised vehemently. What an irony!

The essence of this piece is to express my personal opinion that every May 29 (Democracy Day) should not only be commemorated with pomp and pageantry but it should be a day set aside for sober reflection on the extent democracy has evolved in our nation.

It is not an exaggeration to say that it is disappointing seeing our democracy of more than 10 years at its present tottering stage. In my own opinion, I can see many avaricious clowns coming across as politicians. This is not the democracy we dreamt of more than 10 years ago. In fact, this is democracy standing on its head.

Our politicians should begin to brainstorm on how our nation should be built. They should begin to search for how the point of true leadership can be reached. We have so many fake people parading themselves as leaders serving the people in public office. Our politicians should begin to think of how to become selfless leaders and nation builders in the moulds of Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Mother Theresa, Dr. Nelson Mandela, Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe, Chief Obafemi Awolowo amongst several other leaders; past and present.

Finally, the essence of this article is to let them know that there would definitely be a compendium that would document all their hilarious and atrocious acts while in politics. The compendium would share the same title with this piece. “The Acts Of The Politicians.”

Yours faithfully,

•Asabor writes in from Lagos. [email protected]