Signs Of Love 2

Dear Aidy,

The things you pointed out in “Signs of love” were quite true and real. All along, I’ve been thinking my husband loved me so much that he could go to any length just to make me happy but events have placed me in a difficult position; totally unsure of my claims of love.

I’ve been married to Harry for the past six years; people who know us keep talking about how lucky I am to be married to such a wonderful and caring husband. The day my husband mentioned to me I would not need to continue with my time-consuming job after wedding greeted me with mixed feelings. It was clear I didn’t like the job but the fact that I had three younger sisters to look after made me persevere. Now, having to stop work meant putting my siblings’ welfare on the line but to my greatest surprise, Harry took up the whole responsibility and even did it more than what I could with my meagre salary.

Apart from taking care of my sisters, my life generally changed for the better as I’ve been introduced to luxury beyond my imagination. Seeing Harry lavish his material possessions on me completely blew my mind a way.

It was Pearl, my kid sister’s friend who hinted us that something unpleasant was fishing behind me. She told us in confidence that Harry had a mistress in her neighbourhood where he spends time on weekends. He was actually the one who was paying rent for the lady and picking her other bills as well. After much persuasion by my sister I decided to check out if my husband could indeed betray me and I found out it was true; he was actually dating another woman.

-Ella

Dear Ella,

There are many signs of love as discussed; when a man shows love to his wife in other ways but keeps a mistress outside the home, it leaves me speechless. I have been opportune to thrash this issue with experienced people and diverse things have come up with it.

• Some believe that a man’s affair outside the home does not mean he does not love his wife. Men consider flirting to be a form of adventure but I ask, what kind of adventure would someone undertake to the detriment of his own marriage? If he ends up with sexually transmitted diseases or cause a fight between the two women, will it still be fun? What about integrity? Married couples are expected to keep to their spouses and be faithful in every sense of the word.

•Women who are power drunk or money magnets can be easy targets for men who want cheap love or one day/night stand. For a woman, it has been said that cheating does not occur as an adventure or accident but a carefully planned deal; she does what she does either to get what she wants or to drive home a point that she’s been neglected. Whether cheating is for self actualisation or emotional comfort, the fact still remains that it is unpalatable.

•As long as cheating involves a third party, it should be clear that people who involve in it have sold their conscience and care less of whatever impression they create either about their spouse or the relationship as a whole. Having respect for your spouse and the institution of marriage will put some caution signs on your way as you interact with others. This is not an attempt to make you feel isolated or marginalised but a simple check to remind you that you have pledged to love only one person and stay committed to same for the rest of your life.

•Some people hold that the reason for cheating is not very clear as both partners could be architect of their problems in some ways. A man who showers a woman with love and gets nothing in return in form of her attention might be tempted to look elsewhere for comfort. On the other hand, if a woman puts all her emotional eggs in one man’s basket and he crushes them without caution; hurting her without remorse: what is the future of that relationship?

•For me, cheating is not only a case of loving or not loving your spouse but a complete package of personality, integrity, discipline, honesty, self-worth and faithfulness.

If your husband claims to love you but shares his body with a strange woman out there, can you still trust his words?

A woman that gives her body to get jobs, contract, connections, etc. and covers up to be helping the family in difficult times is completely ignorant because if her husband knew sincerely where and how she gets that money, he would never want to be part of it. Men love to be the first and only love of their wives.

Nevertheless, signs of love should not be searched for in isolation neither should couples be acting to convey the message of love. Every step of the union should be taken in love, for love and with love.