When To Quit (2)

Many would have been expecting me to list a thousand and one signs to watch out for in failing relationships. Others simply would want me to confirm their long nursed feelings and desire to quit. It took me time to decide whether to title this write-up ‘TOO QUICK TO QUIT or WHEN TO QUIT’ but a careful assessment of the message I intend to pass tilted me towards what it is. I tend to be nervous when people mention quitting as a solution to challenges.

Please note! There are genuine cases where quitting remains the only sane decision and doing otherwise might end up the other way but how many people actually allow sincerity to pilot them to that point of departure? No! They are too quick to find a dislocating solution; let’s just end it here and now.

One thing this tells me is that the relationship has no direction, vision, future or purpose. These are the driving force of success: they keep you fired up, patient, ambitious, faithful and positive thinking all in a bit to achieving your goal but the absence produce a nonchalant attitude in relationships. Some just say “what will be will be”. No, not always; you have an active part to play.     Did you enter that relationship with plans to strike when it matters most? Anyway, let’s follow through and see what makes people quit; it might help you to nurture and sustain yours, you might realise why it’s not working so far but the ultimate aim is to see everyone on the right path of success.

It’s a privilege to be in an emotional relationship with someone who is willing to share his/her life totally with you. The chemistry that brought you together should be strong enough to keep you going especially if you have committed to the legal ties of marriage.

I don’t dispute the fact that interweaving your life/emotions with another person can sometimes be challenging but come to think of it: what really in life is not? Nothing comes so easy ‘they say’ and there is element of risk in every step. If you refuse to move because you are afraid of being hurt, danger might still come to you right where you are- it’s better to do what you have to do and leave the rest for nature.

When I meet someone who vows never to fall in love because they have been terribly hurt, I sympathise with them but sincerely desire they could grow up. Using the fear of yesterday to face tomorrow only leaves you a clumsy fellow. What had happened did happen; will life end there? How many times will you have to abandon purpose because of challenges?

What makes most people quit…..

•Family: I don’t know why someone will enjoy being a stumbling block for another. It could be your family or that of your spouse who does not want your relationship to see the light of day. It’s either your family feels you are too much for him/her or he/she is a far cry from your status. There is nothing wrong in loved ones bringing their opinion but when you know you are doing the right thing and not bridging any life’s principles or depriving others of their joy, be firm enough to defend your choice. If people kick against your union because you are not on the right path; you’ll need to consider your choice.

•The person: It’s a lot easy to cope with external pressure than internal. If your spouse is an alcoholic or has a terrible character flaw you cannot help, you may be in for some hard times behind closed doors. It could be so bad that shame eats you up to a point of concealing the truth but how long can you hide? Crying inside and pretending to the world all is well has a limit it can go. Some spouses just make life difficult for you. Sure you know what I mean; you keep comparing yourself with when you were single and wish you could reverse time.

•Frustration: Frustration is a big cap to cover so many odd areas of disappointment. What gives birth to frustration basically is unmet expectation. There are so many angles to this fight. Everyone, I mean everyone has expectations in life. At the beginning of that union, you were looking forward to a whole lot of pleasurable things and when they didn’t surface, you got frustrated. If your spouse is not supportive: you will be frustrated, if he/she does not seek your progress or add value to your life: you’ll be sad, etc. Having the privilege to speak with different people has confirmed that a bad sexual relationship leads to frustration in marriage. Recently I read a post by someone on sexual denial and it amazed me how a sex starved spouse could go to any length to express dissatisfaction. Now tell me if someone is frustrated in the bedroom, what should he/she do? You can drive into any restaurant, have a good meal and go home without committing any offence but you cannot walk into another man/woman’s arm and remain guilt free. If it’s something you could do anywhere with anyone (just like food) it would not be a big deal but here you can’t- Your hands and feet are practically tied. It definitely brings frustration but your integrity must be kept at all times- remain faithful.

•Finance: Money has the ability to make brothers fight, separate friends and kill love. When money is a constant cause of quarrel in a relationship you cannot help asking ‘Does he/she really love me?’ Of what use is love if you cannot give freely and allow access to what you own? I’ve heard people say “It’s better to be on my own and struggle than be with someone without any kind of help”. How terrible? If your husband is buying a property; contribute toward it, if your wife is in need; support her. This way, you’ll find fulfilment in being part of each other. You know what? It actually binds you together.

•Unforeseen circumstances: Yes! We are not fortune tellers- life is by faith. The beginning of a relationship hides the future completely from you. There is no guaranty it will go the way you expected. Children might not come, money might be scarce, health problems develop, sudden inflow of cash might make him/her change attitude toward you, power and social influence may increase, relocation could make you stay apart for a while; just name it. It is in the face of these changes that the character of people gets tested. For sure, circumstances of life will test you and how you handle them defines your success. Be strong, be courageous, hold on to what you belief; success is just around the corner but the decision is all yours.