Mandela: The Ladies’ Man

Women were attracted to him; he to them, but the relationships were not all blissful

The most popular image of Nelson Mandela was that of frail, grey-haired man. That is hardly surprising, given that he was already 71 when most set eyes on him on his release from prison in 1990.

In many ways, the image is a kind of fairytale. Indeed, his life has followed the narrative of the archetypal hero, of great suffering followed by redemption. But Mandela himself famously said: “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.” And he wasn’t.

In his youth, Mandela was a tall, powerfully built boxer and avid ballroom dancer–as well as a smash hit with the opposite sex. As a blue-blood, he was to be forced into an arranged marriage soon after leaving school. But royal tribal life did not appeal to him. When he discovered the planned marriage, he fled to Alexandra, the black township on the outskirts of Johannesburg.

As common with most men of his age, Mandela’s interest in women was healthy and city life afforded him the opportunity to meet them.

With a daytime job as legal office clerk and a law student at night, he frequently lodged at a house owned by friends of Evelyn Mase, a beautiful young nurse, who later recalled that she “loved him the first time she saw him”.

Then aged 26, Mandela proposed to 23-year-old Evelyn within months of the first meeting and they were married in Johannesburg.

Though poor and forced to depend on relatives for free accommodation, the couple enjoyed bliss–at first.

“Everyone we knew said that we made a very good couple,” said Evelyn of early married life.

Two years later, she gave birth to the first of their four children, a son called Thembi. But, as politics and the machinations of the African National Congress, ANC, seduced Mandela, the newly married father was becoming prominent on the township social circuit. His charisma was used for personal as well political advantage in the township dance halls and drinking dens frequented by black South Africans.

While Evelyn raised their three surviving children at home–one died in infancy–Mandela spent his evenings out of the home.

“In the townships, he was a ladies’ man, quite vain, immaculately tailored, a keen boxer and ballroom dancer,” recalled the late Anthony Sampson, a British journalist and a close friend of Mandela.

Sampson, also Mandela’s official biographer, recalled his charisma: “He had commanding presence: he was tall, fine-looking, with a flashing smile and a chiefly confidence.”

However, Mandela also had a slightly unappealing side, marked by aloofness. For this, he was regarded as haughty by political rivals and some associates.

He saw nothing wrong in flaunting his female friends in front of Evelyn, even bringing them to their home. Evelyn kept getting stories that her husband was straying and when they became too much, she demanded to know the truth. Mandela denied the allegations, insisting the female friends were “political colleagues”.

“The gossip continued and there were those who tried to console me by claiming he was bewitched,” said Evelyn later.

She was eventually handed a proof. “There was another woman and this one started coming home, walking into our bedroom, following him into the bathroom… I declared that I would not allow it,” she said.  Also at this time, Mandela’s legal secretary, Ruth Mompati, was rumoured to be warming his bed. There are allegations that she gave Mandela a son.

The marriage to Evelyn broke down acrimoniously. In her divorce petition, she woundingly alleged that Mandela was beating and throttling her, and even threatening to attack her with an axe, forcing her to flee from the home. Living with him, she stated “had become dangerous and intolerable”.

Mandela denied the accusations.

Enter Winnie Madizikela, a social worker, whom Mandela met at a bus stop in Soweto.

Mandela and Winnie had two children before Mandela was jailed briefly in 1960 for his opposition to apartheid.

It was at the subsequent Rivonia Trial in 1964 that he was jailed for life. During his imprisonment on Robben Island, his young wife became a global anti-apartheid figure in her own right.

On her husband’s release in 1990, a smiling Winnie was there to greet him. But the happy faces for the cameras were a mask. Gossip had reached Mandela about his wife’s affairs with other men while he was in jail, and the pair formally parted in 1994.

During their divorce hearing, Mandela said: “Can I put it simply, my lord? If the entire universe tried to persuade me to reconcile with the defendant, I would not…I am determined to get rid of this marriage.” Winnie, Mandela said, did not share his bed once in two years after their reunion. “I was the loneliest man,” he said.

Less than two years after the split up, Mandela married for a third time on his 80th birthday in 1998. This time, his bride was Graca Machel, widow of Mozambique’s president, Samora Machel.

Even Graca could have missed out on being Mandela’s wife. The initial candidate was Amina Chachalia, widow of ANC activist Yusuf Cachalia. Mandela had proposed marriage, but she declined his declarations of love. In her biography, When Hope and History Rhyme, she revealed an intimate and affectionate side to the relationship between her and lifelong family friend Mandela.

In the book, Cachalia provided vivid descriptions of private visits to her apartment by Mandela and her visits to his office and residence.

“On one of these visits, I must have been looking rather flustered as I bustled about doing my chores.

“(Mandela) sat me down on the two-seater couch in the living room and kissed me passionately. Running his fingers through my hair, he said: ‘Do you know that you are an exceptionally beautiful, vivacious and enticing young lady?’ I hollered at him. He looked very worried and wanted to know what was so wrong with what he had said. I replied gently: I’m not a young lady; I am a middle-aged woman.”

—Bamidele Johnson