Family Challenges (2)

By Aidy Thomas

You cannot choose the family you are born into; you simply find yourself in it. The good part is that life offers opportunity for you to make the best out of any situation you are desperate and ready enough to change.

Brady Udall in ‘Lonely Polygamist’ says: “…Families are forever, and wondered if the slogan was meant as a promise or a threat.” Whether your family is nice and conducive or hostile does not primarily nullify the fact that you belong there. To be happy in life is to make the very best of every opportunity.

Procreation is what expands the scope of family unit and bringing up young ones in the chosen culture and tradition that distinguishes ‘you’ can be a great challenge. Dorothy Law Nolte has this to say:

“If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight

If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive

If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy

If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel envy

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty

BUT

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident

If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves

If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is

If the child lives with fairness, he learns justice

If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal

If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him

If the child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live.

The summary therefore is that, whatever you expose a child to determines basically who they grow up to become. There are wrong values they may still imbibe that are alien to their foundation but the tool of parenting should be strong enough to eradicate them before any harm is done.

To raise a family that you may look back in future and glow with pride demands more than just a wish. The sacrifice could be anything from quitting a time consuming job to spending extra hours on home work or moving home from one neighbourhood to another where you can afford a better accommodation. Most decisions seem to revolve around what will be beneficial to the children and how to give them the best you can grasp.

Other challenges facing families could be…

Ignorance: No child comes with an instruction manual on how to raise and train them. It is the duty of the parents/carers to figure out what to do, when to do it and how. Reading and expanding your knowledge on grey areas can be useful to family life as well.

Difficult times: Everyone passes through some level of crisis at one point or the other but the difference lies in how you handle yours. When a family goes through crisis, its strength is being tried. This could be when you are trying for babies and nothing positive is forth coming, loss of a loved one, lack of enough money, etc. Standing together to confront difficulties makes you emerge a stronger bond.

Bad decisions: The quality of your present life is the product of your past decisions. Adopting a certain life style may mean that you perpetually find yourself in troubles you would have carefully avoided. This is particularly hard for people who are struggling with spouses who want things their own way always. If you envisage danger and draw their attention, it just falls on deaf ear and unfortunately, the whole family tend to pay for the sin of one person most times.

Wrong association: Some friends are just not right for you. It takes another person who is close to you to notice when you hang out with a coterie of strangers who have nothing to contribute to your success. Birds of a feather, they say, flock together so why are you pitching with people who are not going your direction.

Lack of trust: This could be between couples, siblings or the entire network.

Covetousness: Wanting to be like the other family across the road has pushed many people into mess. There is nothing wrong with desiring a better life but allowing it dictate how you relate with other members of the household is real concern. If your husband does not have the type of job the other man has; you blush. If your wife fails to achieve a celebrity shape after delivery; you leave, if the children are not winning awards like their fellows; you blackmail. All these deliver no gain at all.

Third party: Allowing an external influence to override your primary values and decisions is a clear sign that trouble is lurking in the corner. Some of them might have good intentions but if it doesn’t align with your goal; conflict might erupt.

The list is endless but the bottom line is to be vigilant and harness your arsenal against anything that may threaten family unity, progress or success.