Men And Ejaculation

Due to the numerous comments and questions I receive daily from men on this issue, I promised to treat this topic today. One thing I have realised in the course of writing my articles is that Nigerians are dying in silence. They want someone to lean on and still keep their pride. Doctors will even tell you that most patients hide their true problems from them. I have received series of attacks due to the issues I handle in my columns, but I don’t really care because my mission is to get Nigerians to that point where they talk about everything without the fear of rejection.

Please join me in this cause and live your life happily always remembering you have just one life to live. I can only promise to keep your identity but your problems would be shared as you bring it on. Also note that Amara is not all knowing and so would appreciate comments and constructive criticisms from her readers.

Okay, even the common man on the street knows what ejaculation is. But the thing is that this is one word people are not free to mention. I got a serious rebuke from one pastor on Facebook when I decided to post a link on ejaculation in preparation for this article. This very incidence showed me how ignorant Nigerians are. If a pastor who should lead his flock aright is the one against truth, what then happens to the congregation?

You find out that marriages and relationships are in hell in our churches and mosques and everyone wants to shy away from discussing them, thereby creating false happiness. Deliverance is not just about prayer, fasting and laying of hands; the Bible says that the truth we know shall set us free.

Most of the problems you believe are spiritual are very easy to solved naturally. This is a clarion call to religious leaders to stop being too spiritual and start realising that we still live in a physical world. Develop yourself to the level where you begin to invite, not just preachers, but resource persons to your church for the sake of your congregation. Educate the youths as well as the married to stop them from seeking information from wrong sources. But for this article, you can decide to close your eyes now.

Back to the issue at hand; there are three major problems associated with ejaculation in men:

•Premature Ejaculation

•Delayed Ejaculation

•Retrograde Ejaculation

Premature Ejaculation

A good number of men go through this problem. There are men who ejaculate just few minutes into sex while there is another group that have the most painful problem of ejaculating even before penetration. I daily get messages from men and the tone of their messages tells me they are extremely worried about it. Premature ejaculation makes a man feel inadequate and incapable of satisfying his partner.

Ways out of premature ejaculation.

Frequent sex: I don’t know how true this is, but I hear men say that when you engage in sex frequently, it reduces the intensity and speed of your orgasm/ejaculation. But I also think this is possible when you keep just one relationship. For you to engage in frequent sex without your wife complaining of headache today, waist pain tomorrow, you must do all you can to keep her happy and close to you at all times.

Self-control: Some men are like dogs and cannot control themselves when they come in contact with anything in skirt. How could you think of solving the problem of premature ejaculation when you jump from one woman to the other, house helps and secretaries included? The three minutes excitement of having a different woman each time in bed won’t let you ejaculate at the right time as you find yourself leaking even before penetration.

Distraction: Another way to treat premature ejaculation is total distraction. This is something difficult if you lack the power of imagination. In masturbation, you think of something positive and beautiful, but in this case, you must fix your mind on something negative, sad, ugly and disgusting. While this is acceptable, thought should be given on the negative effects this has on a relationship. This approach, if not well handled, will distance a man from his wife and their sex life.

Pull-out: This can only work where there is self-control. A woman appreciates this method better as she can sometimes scream for you to go back into her. It is a safer way to handle premature ejaculation as it keeps your self-esteem. A woman may see it as part of your effort to heighten her sexual experience. Pull out the penis once you sense that feeling to ejaculate, continue with caressing and body contact, go back after some minutes, and pull out at intervals until both partners feel satisfied. You can also squeeze the head of the penis immediately you feel the urge to climax.

Anti-depressant drugs: Try taking anti-depressant drugs four to six hours before intercourse. Amantadine and dapoxetine are both drugs that have been used successfully in the treatment of premature ejaculation. You can also use desensitising creams or simply double up your condoms if your wife tolerates that.

Delayed ejaculation

This is the most poorly understood ejaculation problem in men. This is what leads to a woman avoiding sex as the man leaves her feeling drained after sex. A man with the problem of delayed ejaculation can stay on a woman for ninety minutes without feeling anything. It is caused by so many factors:

Anti-depressant drugs: When you are on anti-depressant drugs, your sex life is mostly affected. Talk to your doctor on the right approach to this. I advise you avoid taking those drugs close to bedtime for you to be able to satisfy your wife.

Age: As we grow older, we become less sensitive to touch. This is what happens to men as their nerve endings in the penis become less sensitive. Another thing that happens with age is that there is a decrease in your ability to have an erection and this leads to delayed ejaculation as it is difficult ejaculating without a full erection.This can really be frustrating for a woman who is too attached to you and wants a feel of you in her.

Masturbation: I once did an article where I declared my stand against masturbation. This is one of the reasons I gave. When you find yourself in masturbation, there is little or nothing the opposite sex can do to satisfy you in bed. This is because your body becomes used to a particular way of touch and pressure. If you are/were into this and now have the problem of premature ejaculation, please guide your partner through your body for a better sex life.

Psychological reasons: You are scared to lose control; you feel you are not a good lover; you are distracted; you are stressed; you are unhappy; you just feel sex isn’t necessary. If this is your problem, just do the opposite and you shall be fine.

Retrograde ejaculation

This does not interfere with orgasm. A man who suffers from this can still experience full and strong orgasm, but without ejaculation. This is not a problem to be bothered about except in cases where the couple wants pregnancy. What happens here is that instead of the semen flowing out through the penis during orgasm, it is forced back into the bladder and passed out as urine. If you are one of such men who complain of cloudy urine after sex, then talk to your doctor about this. It is not a problem if you have nothing to lose. It also has the advantage of easy post-sex cleaning. It does not interfere with orgasm.

Retrograde ejaculation is cause by diabetes, various medications, surgery, and nerve damage.

Home Remedies

Grind some amount of nutmeg and ginger into natural juices or your cereal.

Eat lots of natural aphrodisiacs-cucumber, tomatoes, onions, and chilli, ginseng, cumin, cabbage.

Exercise regularly.

Total abstinence or reduction of alcohol intake would help

Avoid smoking.

I will not end this article without letting you know there is power in prayer. God created you and He is more than able to fix your body system. Also learn to talk to your wife about issues bothering you and together, in all sincerity, you both should visit your doctor.