17th March, 2015
By Modupe Eka
Today I shall attempt to answer some of your questions, I thank you all for the various phone calls and the many e-mails, your responses are very encouraging. Most questions bordered on self esteem and negative emotions how to overcome societal expectations and pressure.
Humanly speaking, there is no other influence in your life more powerful than your temperament or personality trait, we all have some distinctive features or personality traits that God has put in us on purpose.
For example a very high D personality with a distinctive high pitch vocal tone who is naturally loud. No matter how hard that person tries whenever he speaks others may think he is shouting. I am sure we can all think of what is peculiar to us. Remember you cannot be your true self until you have a revelation of who you are through your personality style.
Who we are is our true and authentic self that is always connected to our source God almighty our creator. On the other hand who we think we is how is how we show up in life, who we think comes up from listening to other people rather than listening to our self.
For a large portion of our lives we believe what others told us; we learn early early that what other people think and say is more important than what we think of ourselves. This is not true at all, no one can know you more than you know yourself. Who you are is everything, it is the only thing that matters because everything hinges on your ability to be yourself and to be that you must become intimately aware of the false believe you have about how life works.
People who know who they are and are in alignment with their true self are more than positive thinkers; they are positive energy in action. They are able to maintain a positive self-esteem and self concept. To upgrade to this level we must not let comments or actions of others stick on us, never allow criticism to change you. Who you are is not determined by your critics, therefore quit listening to what naysayers are telling you and stop living to please people.
The toughest decision you’ll ever make is accepting responsibility for who you are, what you are and who you can be. Many of us are afraid to accept ourselves as way we are, we feel that if we accept ourselves as we are, we are excusing what is wrong in us. This is not true at all, while another group denies their weakness, they blame others and justify their weakness.
To develop a positive self esteem and concept we must first believe and love ourselves the way God created us, that is why Wiseup recommends that we take personality test.
Knowing yourself will help you overcome self doubt, fear of failure, poor body image, negative thought, feeling judged, worries about what others people are thinking and above all it will help you develop to your full potentials.
When people cannot control you, they will criticize you and try to diminish you. You must not pour your life into the mold of somebody else’s expectations; if we are to reach our full potential we must zealously guard the input you allow to come into your life, we have to control our own programming and reject the poisonous stuff other people are trying to feed us with.
On the issues of our past experiences, whether it is parental abuse or negative programming by adult in authority over us. We must also take responsibility. Our attitude is key to overcoming our past, never let yesterday’s event control the future, when our attitude is right what has happen makes us better in some ways, stronger in some ways, and gives us the opportunities that would have not been there without having gone through the hell we endured. Above all you would have learned how not to do it to others.
In conclusion, every second of everyday provides us with useful lessons if we keep our eyes open, we must watch and listen pay attention to our inner self; never be afraid of mistakes because mistakes are a part of our life, don’t just accept this truth, embrace it and your whole life will be a lot happier and filled with accomplishment. Know that the people laughing at you are pointing at you in order to keep attention away from themselves, therefore ignore your critics, release all your fears of making mistakes. Never forget you are the door to your own destiny. Learn from yesterday so you are happy it happened because it provided valuable lessons.
Don’t regard mistakes as mistakes, it ceases to be a mistake and loses its power to hold you back if you can learn to be glad that you have not failed but learned a valuable lesson in life. Blessed is he who is not discouraged by mistakes because winning or losing is a state of mind. Next time we will answer questions on relationship and our personality. Till then, keep calling keep writing. See you at the top.
•Modupe Eka is a consultant, trainer of the D.I.S.C model of human behaviour, a graduate of English language, with teaching background, she is a Public Speaker and by practice a counsellor and an expert in relationship and communication she runs seminars and workshop for corporate and private institutions on topics such as sexual health, parent/child relationship and corporate/ effective team building. She has organized and runs various youth empowerment programmes. Together with her team, they have done extensive work with many Redeemed Christian Church of God parishes within the Lagos environs.