Love Needs Perseverance

By Aidy Thomas

The experience of loving and being loved is something everyone looks forward to. But as interesting as it may sound or feel, the real deal of keeping a meaningful love relationship can be tough and nothing close to the butterflies and goose bumps that flood its initial phase.

Even when you are lucky enough to have ‘an angel’ for a partner, the truth still remains that there are times you’ll need to pull yourself through to remain focused on your commitment.

Recently, I read about a celebrity’s filing for divorce of her five-year marriage relationship. When asked why the star wanted to go a different way from her lover she simply said “We have irreconcilable differences”. This is particularly shocking to hear as it makes one wonder if people ever sat down to consider what marital vows meant as they walk down the aisle to take the oath before a crowd of witnesses.

People are not created to be the same anywhere in the world. You are supposed to work out how to cope with the person you have chosen to spend your life with. An honest fellow who has been married for quite a while will tell you that it takes a lot of patience, humility, hope, and grace to hang in there.

Apart from the innate tendency to be ‘you’, circumstances can also bring strange attitude, actions and reactions in someone you thought was a perfect love match – and all these have to be properly managed if togetherness is your goal.

One of the mistakes people make is to think that a successful relationship is only possible when both partners are ‘compatible’. You get it wrong most of the time when this thinking gets in the way of expectation. Compatibility has been labelled to mean; couples loving the same things, having same passion and committed to same attraction. There’s really nothing wrong with those but success in relationships should go beyond this primary level.

When all players are good, even a child or an insane fellow can perform excellently well but marriage, as you may already know is far deeper than a child’s play- it’s an adult’s decision. A decision you make for yourself at the right time when you feel confident enough to commit.

Have you ever wondered why the marriage oath is administered? This is to show the importance of the role one is about to dabble into- that is why many these days would rather be partners; a place of little or no commitment at all.

Donald talks about the refusal of the woman he’s known for three years to commit to marrying him. According to him, she’s afraid of losing her freedom; sleeping and waking at will, especially at weekends is one thing she prices highly. The thought of bringing a man into your challenging work schedule is very intimidating. She enthused.

Why do people need perseverance in relationships?   

Challenges are part of life: a person who refuses to go into marriage with the hope of having a peaceful life is just deceiving himself/herself. Whether you are single or married, each choice has its ups and downs and wherever you are; it remains your sole responsibility to achieve happiness and fulfilment.

Separation does not always guarantee happiness: Apart from folks suffering in abusive relationships, changing partners and relationships don’t hand in a promise of better life where you are going. People sometimes think the grass is greener on the other side of the field but a closer look almost always proves them wrong.

Hope: Hope is what makes you hang in with that irritable boss at work; someday you’ll get something better, hope will help you tolerate a stubborn child and look forward to the day he/she will change, hope is that force that will not let you give up on life and any other important pursuit. As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes get better with time if given the right opportunity to thrive. The longer you stay together, the more you bond and tend to accommodate each other’s weaknesses. Even when spouses refuse to change; I’ve heard things like “What used to bother me at the beginning of this relationship means absolutely nothing anymore. I’ve come to accept him/her just that way.

Help: Some people are just ‘help’ sent into the lives of their spouses. Naturally, a perfect situation needs no help and if your partner did not need you, there wouldn’t have been a relationship in the first place. The whole idea of relationship is about joining your resources with another to accomplish greater heights. It does not necessarily have to be monetary: as you cannot put your pay check on the bed and have emotional warmth. Little things done by your spouse could mean so much than mighty things money can afford. But money also has its strong place in every union.

Legacy: It might not be a very popular opinion in today’s world to leave a legacy for the younger generation but as silent as it is, everyone is doing just that. You do not need to say it to your children but the concept and basics of life they will live tomorrow is what they have learnt from you today. If you have no value for marriage, how will you teach him/her to maintain a happy home? Have you seen how the society is gradually destroyed by careless/casual disposition? You are a teacher; the first set of students live under your roof.

Satisfaction: I don’t know about some people but others derive satisfaction in victory. The mere thought that you were able to hang in when it was tough and actually achieved a breakthrough makes you feel like a champion. It takes great character to weather storms and come out clean. You can almost touch the fulfilment in people’s voice when they’re recounting what they’ve been through in their relationships and how they’ve held on till light showed up at the end of the tunnel. Victory indeed is sweet and success, they say, has many siblings.