22nd November, 2013
We have come a really long way in considering what kind of relationships we should offer to our loved ones. Indeed it’s like a ‘world without end’ because you cannot possibly touch on all angles of need in one go.
Apart from the basic fact that people are different and yearn for specific attention; society, socialisation, education, globalisation and other factors have also come a long way to condition and influence the expectations of people over time.
Thus a man who grew up in a traditional home where the father is the head only and ignores domestic chores may exude a different character after much interaction with other men who feel the home belong to both man and woman and should be handled that way.
Men who participate fully in home affairs are not only respected by their wives but the children also admire their involvement in their daily lives. Providing money is good and as a matter of fact, everyone needs financial provision to sustain the family but the joy of being able to fix dinner or pick up after the children can be amazing. This might not fit every family setting but it’ll be nice to do your best for all.
Women who are obsessed with the glamour of modern education may on their own terms want to take things to the extreme by trying to define equality and responsibility. Yes there’s equality but there is no point singing it daily to your spouse. A reasonable man should know how to treat the one he loves. Slavery or negligence should not even be mentioned where two hearts are closely knitted. There might be occasions of slips in expectations and performance but love holds it out for careful regular examination to be conducted by each party.
External influences on relationships can spiral to unimaginable limits but a concerned partner will do much to make sure things work between them. Behaviours and habits you borrow from others should benefit your union instead of destroying what you should be protecting. A little here and there of what has worked for others should also be imported with care and close observation: just in case it turns out not to be fruitful for you.
On the other hand, there should be a place of open discuss: share your thoughts and values and reach a compromise what exactly is the picture you are painting. Your home is unique and should not necessarily be like your neighbours’ or the other down the road.
•Be creative: Creativity in relationship is what really makes the difference in so many areas. This could span from bedroom to kitchen, socials to spirituality, recreation to production, etc. Being creative basically suggest being either original or copying smartly. You may chose to play around with a certain food you’ve been used to in a particular way: turn it around with a different touch and see what comes out of it. Same goes for other areas and I need not say that the downside of creativity is surprises. Sometimes you get it right but at other times, you are so embarrassed and cannot tell the story to a third party. But whichever way it comes find it in your heart to have fun; bring laughter into it.
•Learn about failure and success: The earlier you learn about failure and success as mere events the better your life will be. If you think your spouse is failing today, deal with the circumstance but take your love seriously. You cannot label him/her to be a failure; things change in life and if the same person succeeds tomorrow and makes it ‘big time’, where would you hide your shame? This is why people despise their spouses, walk away from the relationship but later beg to return when the situation looks favourable- should the one you love be treated this way?
•Add value: I’m not ashamed to say that a relationship that has not added any value to your life is difficult to cope with. Joining your intelligence, finance, strength, exposure, etc with someone else is supposed to make you better. The more you contribute to your spouse’s success, the stronger your bond will be. Some people might be quick to react here but what I mean is be determined to support your partner and see them become the very best of what is possible.
•Avoid Competition: Why should there be competition when you are supposed to work together as one? Destinies are not the same and some people are bound to be more productive than others either by virtue of their personality or opportunities life has offered them. If you find yourself in a place where your partner is financially stronger, be wise enough to position yourself and be part of that success instead of rivalry.
•Complement each other: You are better appreciated in places where you fill in the gap and do what others could not do. The law of complementing states that you concentrate at what you know how to do best which the others might not be and they in turn cover your weaknesses where and when necessary- what a joy! If you cover your spouse’s back they would appreciate you deeply.
•Communicate clearly and sincerely: Talking cannot be replaced by any other thing except you are not capable of doing so. Say what you mean and mean what you say in simple clear terms without confusing or intending to mislead the other. Ambiguity can sometimes be annoying; don’t play on his/her emotions.
•Be guided by love: I’m convinced this is the strongest of them all. Let all your actions and reactions be determined by the love you have for each other. Where there is love, you’ll be motivated to protect the interest of the other but where there is no love; anything evil can happen and I know you mean well for him/her. Love will make you do things that you’ll ordinarily not do and issues of accommodating, faithfulness, kindness, patience, humility, etc can easily dissolve into the fabrics of what you feel for each other. Have fun…………